There’s this guy who’s just recovered from scarlet fever. He is now in the pink of health.
#96 June 12, 2008
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor replies, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”
#95 June 12, 2008
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri.”
“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri doc.”
#90 June 12, 2008
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi refused painkillers during his root canal… he wanted to transcend dental medication.
#76 June 2, 2008
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office. “Doctor, every time I see 50 and 25 paise coins, I have a panic attack! What can my problem be?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” the doctor answers. “You’re just afraid of change.”
#66 June 2, 2008
This paper bag is in terrible, unexplained pain, so he goes to see his GP.
The doctor looks into his medical history and runs some tests. “Your condition is incurable, I’m afraid,” he tells him.
“My God, how did I catch it?” says the bag.
“It’s genetic. Sadly, your grandfather was a carrier.”
#62 June 2, 2008
Two surgeons and a dermatologist were having lunch in their cafeteria when the first two doctors began to laugh hysterically.
“What’s so funny?” the dermatologist asked, confused.
“Sorry, you wouldn’t understand,” one of the surgeons said. “It’s an inside joke.”
#44 June 1, 2008
A man walked into his GP’s surgery with a cymbal and some bongo drums on his head.
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “It’s just a mild case of percussion.”
#40 June 1, 2008
A medical research group advertised in the paper for volunteers with obsessive-compulsive disorder to take part in a study of their condition.
The response was overwhelming: 300 replies the day the advert was published. Unfortunately, they were all from the same person.
#37 June 1, 2008
A man goes to see his GP: “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a famous psychoanalyst.”
“I see,” says the doctor. “Tell me about your symptoms.”
“Well, it all started when I was Jung…”
#17 May 31, 2008
Did you hear about the doctor who went on a ski trip and got lost on the slopes? He stamped out “help” in the snow, but nobody could read his writing.
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