“Sigh!”, said the egg in the monastery, “From the frying pan into the Friar”.
#90 June 12, 2008
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi refused painkillers during his root canal… he wanted to transcend dental medication.
#55 June 2, 2008
God is talking to an angel about creating the world. “I just made a 24-hour period,” God explains. “It will be half-light and half-dark, and will keep repeating itself until the end of time.”
“Wow,” says the angel. “What are you going to do next?”
“Well,” God answers, “I think I’ll call it a day.”
#39 June 1, 2008
A rabbi, a priest, and a guru walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
#38 June 1, 2008
Bill gates dies and goes to heaven, where Saint Peter gives him a smart two-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.
One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine, tailored suit.
“That’s really nice,” says Bill. “Where did you get it?”
“Actually,” says the man, “I was given 50 of these, plus two mansions, a yacht, a golf course and four Rolls-Royces.”
“Wow, were you a priest or a doctor healing the sick?” asks Bill.
“No, I was the captain of the Titanic.”
Bill storms off to see Saint Peter. “How come the captain of a sunken ship gets all that while I, the inventor of the Windows operating system, get a crummy little house?” he asks.
“We use Windows too,” says Saint Peter. “And the Titanic only crashed once.”
#30 May 31, 2008
A golfer was way behind in the championship game when he hit his ball into the rough. Bending to retrieve it, he came face to face with an elf.
“Want some help with your game?” the elf asked.
“That would be great!”
“Okay,” said the elf. “But for every time I help, you’ll lose one year of your sex life.”
The golfer agreed and won the game.
Getting into his car later, he found the elf sitting on his dashboard. “I helped you ten times,” the elf said. “That’s ten years. Now, what’s your name?”
“Father O’Malley.”
#7 May 31, 2008
While walking down the street Moses bumped into George W. Bush. “Hello,” Bush said. “Nice weather we’re having, huh?”
Moses took one look at the President, turned and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again, he tried to initiate a conversation.
Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, “The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.”
#2 May 31, 2008
An orangutan in the zoo has two books—the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. He’s trying to figure out if he’s his brother’s keeper—or his keeper’s brother.
In a reader
